Save me
by plz-dont-stop-the-musik
Summary: Song-fic to Tiffany Giardina's "Hurry up and save me." Nate/Mitchie friendship. Implied Smitchie. AU. Extremely angsty, suicide, depression, pain, please do not read if you're under 13.


**A/N: "Hurry up and Save me" by Tiffany Giardina. Read and review. **

* * *

**Save me **

_I'm going through the same day  
Same place, same way I always do_

He had once believed everything would be alright one day. But he was done deluding himself now. Nate knew there was no saving him from the night.

He had been this way for too long, just breathing, not really living, so long that he had forgotten what it meant to love to live. He couldn't even remember a day where he had not been haunted by relentless fears, pushed out of his mind by the anger he kept tightly locked inside. He could endlessly push away those he loved but he could never quite drown out the voices in his head, though he nearly went deaf listening to his headphones so loud day after day.

Nate wasn't surprised his family often grew tired of his unexplainable bad moods, his crying spells, the long hours he played his guitar so long and hard his fingers bled. Shane constantly joked around him, trying to get him to open up to his favorite brother, to share some of the music he was writing late into the night. Jason suggested at least once a week that he start talking with Megan again. But Nate knew jokes and girls wouldn't help him, not when he had broken things off with her, not when his fears and sorrows ran too deep for mindless jokes. Even music couldn't completely fix his life anymore though he wrote endlessly. Disney wouldn't approve of even a single song.

_Then I saw you from the corner of my eye  
And it hit me like a ton of bricks, I can't lie  
Oh you got to me  
_

It had been one endless fight for his life, a dark tunnel without a spot of light. Then he met Mitchie.

At first, he had thought she was nothing special. Shane seemed completely charmed but Nate had always been more cynical and he wasn't in the mood for the latest popstar-wannabe. But then she had sang one of her own songs to him, and it had been so dark and pain-filled that something inside him recognized himself in her. And from that day they were inseparable.

_My life was alright, living in black and white  
But you changed my point of view_

She had lit up his life for a whirling second, a brief eternity that left Nate's head spinning. He hadn't felt so light in months. Quiet and unobtrusive, he watched her smile, heard her laughter, felt tears prick the corners of his traitorous eyes when she sang especially for him. He never asked for a hand, but she somehow always knew when he needed one.

_Show me your colors  
Show me your colors  
Cuz without you I'm blue_

She made him feel important and unique and talented again, and for the first time, he sang one of the songs he had kept locked in his mind. The tears in her eyes had driven away his demons for a little while.

Nate knew inside that Mitchie had been sent to him by God, his second chance at life and happiness. His friendship with her was the most beautiful relationship he had had yet, outside of his family, and even when Shane started dating her, her presence still was medicine for his mind, salvation for his soul.

_Hurry up and save me  
Hurry up and save me  
Hurry up and save me  
Hurry up and save me_

Of course, eventually Shane noticed how intently he stared at Mitchie, how he smiled at her least smile, laughed at her every joke. He had warned Nate not to get too caught up with a girl so soon, when he was just getting better. It wouldn't have even mattered to Shane if Nate was in love with his girlfriend, because there were no fights between the brothers and Nate would always be Shane's baby brother. It made Nate laugh til he cried, how clueless his brother was. Could you call it love, his need for Mitchie? You could probably call it obsession. But could you blame him?

_I just wanna feel alive _

_And I do when I'm with you_

It wasn't like she minded when he depended on her energy, her enthusiasm for life. She definitely treated him with an extra gentleness, sensing some of the sorrow behind his quiet exterior. But she never had any idea how badly he relied on her in his every waking moment, how his dreams were filled with her or else, black.

_I have to have control of myself,  
My thoughts, my mind_

_That's the way it's going down_

_In my life I feel like a prisoner  
In a lie  
Are you feeling me?_

The days he couldn't see or talk to her reminded him of life before he had met her. Too cold, too lonely. He couldn't let her go.

_Cuz the way you make my  
Break my shake my walls around  
I feel like I'm breaking out_

Shane was extraordinarily patient with his brother, postponing individual dates with Mitchie in favor of group outings where Nate spent more time with his girlfriend than he did. It worried him how attached Nate was to Mitchie, and how loving she was towards him. But the one time he asked her if she might like Nate better than him, she had laughed and kissed him til his head spun.

"Nate needs help, Shane. You're his brother, can't you even see that?"

The door opened and Nate walked in, guitar in hand and a wide smile on his face. How could Shane deny his little brother his happiness?

_Show me your colors  
Show me your colors  
Cuz without you I'm blue_

"Hey, Mitch, you wanna write that song now?" Nate's smile was eager and bright, present only when Mitchie was around of course. Shane watched him.

"Oh! Sorry, Nate, Shane and I were going to a movie at 3. Can we save that for later?" Nate couldn't quite call the panic in his mind jealousy but for a second, he stared at her in dismay. Couldn't she see he _needed_ her around? Shane could wait, he couldn't.

"Nate? I'm sorry but-"

"No, no, you go. Um, have fun," he whispered, turning away so Shane could not read the guilt and realization in his eyes.

Why had nobody reminded him Mitchie wasn't his to demand comfort from whenever and wherever he wanted? Certainly, Mitchie couldn't be blamed for wanting to spend more time with Shane, more time away from Nate. Nate couldn't trust her either.

_Hurry up and save me  
Hurry up and save me  
Hurry up and save me  
Hurry up and save me_

He picked up the knife and stared at it with strange fascination. He should never have been assigned kitchen duty but in a way, he was glad he had been. Nate tested the edge of the blade on his palm and wondered how much it would hurt. Could it hurt any more than living did?

On a sudden impulse, he put the knife in his pocket and hurried out of the kitchen.

_My window's opened up  
Tonight I'm crawling out_

**Dear Mom, Dad, Jason, Shane & Mitchie, **

**I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I know I've put you all through a lot lately, and I'm sorry I couldn't help it. I always will be. Please don't cry, because I am better now. I wish I could have lived with you forever. I pray you forgive me some day. **

**Love eternally, **

**Nate **

**PS. Mitchie... thank you for everything**

_Will you be there, are you waiting  
Will you be there, will you save me?  
_

The sound of laughter and happy voices reached Nate's ears, a vague babble. His mind seemed locked, his eyes narrowed on the knife in his hands.

_Hurry up and save me  
Hurry up and save me  
Hurry up and save me  
Hurry up and save me _

There was nowhere else to run. Nobody else to run to. What was he waiting for? Nate took a deep breath and raising the knife, pressed it hard against his wrist. A small trickle of blood seeped out of his hand, staining the edges of his white shirt scarlet. Fighting a small whimper of pain, he pressed harder, closing his eyes and waiting for the darkness.

He didn't hear his hotel door opening, or a voice calling his name.

"NO!"

_I just wanna feel alive  
_

Mitchie couldn't believe what she was seeing. Nate had always been quiet and aloof, but she had never imagined he was so deeply hurting that he would even think of taking his life. A cold fear gripped her and she froze, watching Nate's blood drip onto the sheets. He looked up at her for a moment but seeing that she wasn't stopping him, renewed his pressure on the blade, staring her in the eyes with a haunted, scared look she could never, until her dying day, forget.

Tired of the slow loss of life, Nate was just raising the knife to slash his wrist completely when Mitchie jumped into his arms, shocking Nate so badly that he dropped the knife onto her boot. Forever after, she would never be able to wear those boots without seeing the sharp slash and remembering Nate and that horrible day.

"What are you DOING, oh Nathaniel, stop, don't do this, please, please don't do this, don't do this, don't..." she wasn't making any sense, and he stared at her in bewilderment and awe, his mind already woozy from the loss of blood. Mitchie gripped his arm, frantically trying to stem the flow of blood with his shirt, then after a second, pulled off her favorite t-shirt. Thankful she had decided to wear a tank-top that day, she quickly knotted the shirt around his wrist as tightly as she could manage, her hands shaking so badly that she had to redo it three times. Nate was wobbling against her, his breath hot on her face as he slurred nonsensically at her.

"Nate, don't sleep, you can't sleep, please, please don't sleep darling..." Mitchie looked around her frantically, then seeing her cell, jumped to get it. Surprising both of them, Nate lunged at her, knocking her flat on to the bed, his fingers grappling awkwardly for the phone in her hands.

"NO," he ground out harshly, fighting to stay conscious. _Now_, he wanted to live? He gave a short, sarcastic laugh, feeling his chest tighten and his lungs struggle for air.

"Nate, baby _please_, let me call for help, I don't know what to do for you, what if it's not enough?" Tears were pouring down her face as she looked at him, leaning heavily against her, his breathing labored and his eyes starting to slide out of focus.

"Nate, PLEASE!" she shrieked, startling him into consciousness for at least a few more minutes.

"O-okay," he choked out, before fainting against her, completely imprisoning her.

_And I do when I'm with you_

Mitchie flipped open her phone and speed-dialed Shane.

"Shane! Please, come back to Nate's room, he's not alright, I need your help, HURRY!" she choked out, barely waiting for him to respond before she hung up. Then she dialed 911.

_And it hit me like a ton of bricks, I can't lie  
Oh you got to me_

"No, Shane, I don't think it's a good idea if I go in," Mitchie said, biting her lip, her eyes anxious. The last 24 hours had not been easy on her, as she relived that scene over and over again, desperately needing to see Nate's smile again and afraid he would hate her now.

_Without you I'm blue _

"What, don't be ridiculous. He's been awake for over a day, and he's in stable condition... physically, that is... Come on, I know he'd want to see you," Shane urged, lying through his teeth. Nate had told him he specifically did not want Mitchie visiting him in the hospital. He felt so weak and stupid, he didn't think he could ever look her in the eyes again after what he'd done, or almost done.

The doctors had put him on antidepressants and mandatory therapy. He felt terrible but shreds of his old life were starting to come back to him. And while the memory of his latest mistake still eluded him, he could imagine what Mitchie must have felt like.

"Honestly, Shane, it's probably a very hard time for him right now. He needs you, you should go to him... just... just be patient with him... and gentle, won't you? And... give him my love," Mitchie blinked a few tears out of her eyes and started to turn around when Shane grabbed her arm.

"No, you're coming in," he insisted, pulling her along with him.

_My life was alright living in black and white  
But you changed my point of view_

"Hi Nate, how ya feeling?" Shane asked with a cheerfulness he did not feel inside. Nate mumbled a greeting at him, then froze at the sight of the petite brunette dragging her feet into the room behind his brother.

"_Mitchie_?" he hissed, jumping up and pulling the covers towards him protectively. Mitchie looked pained at his obvious dismay and anger at seeing her there and quickly turned to go, blinking back tears.

"Where do you think you're going?" Shane demanded harshly. He gave Nate a stern look then hurried to retrieve Mitchie from near the door.

"Come sit down. You have to talk sometime, you might as well do it now," he said maturely. Mitchie sniffled.

"Don't cry, it's not like I'm dead," Nate snapped, eyeing her with a mix of adoration and loathing.

_Hurry up and save me _

"Nate... please..."

_Hurry up and save me _

"What are you even doing here? This has nothing to do with you!"

_I know you can save me_

"Please, Nate..." she whispered, trying to muffle her sobs.

_So just save me_

"Tears won't solve everything Mitchie." The look he turned on her was both pathetic and pleading. Under the cold exterior, he ached to be comforted, to be held and helped. Would she understand what no one else could?

_I just wanna feel alive _

Mitchie didn't reply. She climbed onto the bed, still crying uncontrollably, then crawled slowly towards him, hesitant and at last, as needy as he was. Nate watched her warily, holding his breath.

Still sobbing hysterically, she curled herself against his thin body, tucking herself snugly into his arms. "Hold me," she whispered, so soft he barely heard it. Nate took a deep shuddering breath, feeling her tears on his chest, and for the first time since he had been rescued, he let himself cry.

_And I do when I'm with you._


End file.
